I just got back home from dropping my kids off at school and now I'm about to start getting ready for work. This morning I had my usual breakfast of Frosted Mini-Wheats w/nonfat milk and a Sugar Free Rockstar. Today I am working at a clients all day and I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do for lunch. I am going to bring a couple snacks: apple and a small baggy of pretzels. I am also going to bring a bottle of water with me.
When I start thinking of what an uphill battle I have in front of me it's hard not to feel inpatient and unmotivated. But I just keep reminding myself to not worry about tomorrow. All I have to worry about is making it through today.
Yesterday, at the grocery store, I bought some of those licorice pastels, you know, the ones next to the granola and gummy bears in those plastic containers with the scoop. I bought a small baggy of licorice pastels since they are fat free. I figured I could treat myself with a few since they are on my approved diet plan. I looked up the calorie content online and saw that 75 pastels are equivalent to one serving. I counted out fifteen pastels and ate them. They were sooooo good. I the counted out another fifteen and then another twenty. That totaled fifty. Instead of stopping I decided to have twenty-five more since that was what a serving consisted of. After eating my allowed 75 pastels I couldn't stop. I honestly tried but something in my brain kept saying "a couple more won't hurt". After dinner I finished off what was left in the bag (which wasn't much). I am REALLY glad I didn't but that much.
I am disappointed in myself for a few reasons. Mainly because I should have known better. It was only day two of my diet yet I still couldn't help myself and bought candy. Did I "really" need that candy...No. I am sure the little candy I consumed had any negative impact on my diet but that's not the point. The point is that, not only did I buy the candy, I couldn't control myself once I was around it. Let's listen to that sentence again... "I couldn't control myself once I was around it". How pathetic is that?? I seriously have a problem.
All in all, the thing with the pastels was a good learning experience. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am an addict: a sugar addict. I have decided that I would rather be healthy and happy than fat and depressed. Being happy and healthy means giving up the sugar. Once I can control myself, I will probably be able to eat some sugar again (in small doses) but until then, I have to cut it from my diet completely. No more candy, no more ice cream, no more fruit snacks or fruit roll ups, no more cookies, no more cake, no more donuts...
I get off work today at 4pm so I'm bringing my gym bag with me so I can hit the gym after work. I also need to look up more low fat recipes on the Internet since the chicken dinner on Tuesday and the fajitas yesterday weren't that good. I'm sure eventually I'll find a healthy recipe that the kids and I like... fingers crossed.
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